– I drafted this letter to a dear person in  my  life….she  encouraged me to write. I have relented only because I may be able to help someone…in some way.  –

Only a true person with true life experience could see the hurt within a contrived and well placed picture…….I try very hard to hide it, not because I’m ashamed, but because I don’t seek comfort from anyone. No one understands. It is my purpose to offer comfort; I know a true depth of hurt and people find that comforting, oddly enough.

Where I am?…. well, I’ve ran from intimacy, hid from love, been disgraced and discouraged, beaten and abused…I’ve been lied to, cheated on, discriminated against and let down. I’ve had my heart broke, and I’ve broke my own heart. I’m a product of my history and a testament to the future. I live in the moment because I don’t believe in tomorrow.

 

But I’ve learned to love in  the face of sheer terror….I’ve  learned  to walk through fire with no fear.  Worry less. Pray  more.

I found that I not only love with my whole heart, but respect the human spirit and capacity for connection more than anything. And I’ve found that to be the difference between long term and short term relationships and interactions. I’ve coped in ways I didn’t know were possible and found new paths for surviving. I am a rock and although I stand on my own two feet, I know I have love there supporting me, and ready to catch if I fall.  Footprints in the sand.

I’m at this weird place right now where I battle between happiness and guilt. I’m a deep believer in signs from the universe and messages that aren’t always as clear as we would like them to be. I’ve looked for my former self, and tried tirelessly to reconnect with that person, and to no avail. I’m moving away from that notion. I have found that a gentle progress of a wild bear trollops the concept of his spirit caged and on display.

So forward I run, stumble, and fall….in love, deeply. And for the moment, I’m safe and sound.

The one and only, Carrie Mae